Star Wars makes me sad

This was supposed to be part of my Rise Of Skywalker Review but it was too extensive so I decided to extend it further and make them separate. This one would have to be some sort of a required read though if you want to see my thoughts on the state of Star Wars right now.

Alright, Star Wars! Star Wars, what can I say? It’s been a messy four years. If I was told Star Wars was going to pop up on the big screen again, I would be beyond ecstatic, and I was, with the trailer for the (then) upcoming film Star Wars The Force Awakens, and the hype. Like I was a big fan of Star Wars, it was probably the only thing I talked about when I was a smaller kid. Like many, I was raised on Star Wars, as my father, before I, was a big fan too, I wouldn’t be surprised if he told me that on the day I was born, he sat me in front of a TV screen and we binged Star Wars all the way to Return. IT WAS STAR WARS! Big, exciting, fantasy enough for your imagination to get intoxicated on.

Though shit, the prequels left me in complete awe, I mean as a kid, now it would probably be like, “That was bad, yeah it was bad…. BUT DID YOU SEE THAT SPACESHIP THOUGH?”. The writing was awful, acting was awkward, characters were quite atrocious, and it doesn’t feel like anything really happens, but the scope of the films was big, and everything we saw through those lenses was completely unique, well I could be stretching it just a bit.

The new trilogy feels like a really lazy piece of nothing. I feel nothing when I hear that loud opening theme accompanied by a text crawl that slowly disappears into the stars. It feels like Disney simply trying to milk it dry. I bet you’ve heard everyone say the same thing, but that’s really what it feels like. At least the prequels had a story that was waiting to be told because if this is right, the movies were numbered before the prequels even came out. There was a vision to all the movies prior, they all tried to do one big thing. These last three movies felt like they were trying to do smaller things throughout the run time and still have the main story being told.

But the originals will always trump all. Not only did they achieve all of this, but they were just perfect, never has a movie ever made me feel like I was ever part of an adventure. Yeah I know, I was pretty attached to the franchise. Though I am a bit iffy on what I really think of Return of the Jedi, I mean it’s fantastic no matter what conclusion I land on, but I’m not sure if I feel the same way about it than before. Then again, the last few re-watches, I only made it to Empire then stopped, so It’s been a while since I watched it. It’s been a really long time since I watched the prequels actually.

I say all this because I want to know, what the fuck happened, huh. Disney, I’m looking at you, we had the scope, we had the effects, the writing was a bit off but better than what Lucas did with the last three movies, so where’s the Star Wars feeling. I think that one of the things that made it not work was what happened with the characters. What’s with Leia and Han letting their son press the restart button on the empire? They were both capable of blowing up two death stars and escaped a ginormous worm’s tummy, parenting shouldn’t have been a problem, a good spanking here and there. I do not condone child abuse, but when the galaxy is in jeopardy, I think we can make an exception.

The sad thing is, I haven’t seen anything with Adam Driver prior to Force Awakens and his Kylo Ren made me hate him as an actor, It was partly because I was angry. To me, it was like, “why did they get some piece of shit actor that can’t even convince me that he’s breathing like a regular human being to play the face of the dark side for the next three movies?”. It really should’ve been like, “Damnit, look how they take a great actor like Adam Driver and waste his talents on a whiny bitch with a trigger finger, sitting behind the bloody control panel of the galaxy’s ultimate superweapon. So whiny in fact, that he would kill his own father because he called him Ben when he likes to be called Ren.” This guy’s supposed to be our next Darth Vader, Yeah I know no one likes a rehash of a previous villain, but that was obviously what they were going for, even then they couldn’t do it right.

 Why did Han and Leia even split up? Did they have to do that? Why couldn’t we have seen a thriving, new Republic, where harmony is not spared for survival? I mean I know this is all pretty narrow, and I could be the only one that wants this but, could we not have witnessed a break between the events of Return Of The Jedi and Force Awakens? Why couldn’t we have seen a threat rising rather have it ready made like a microwaved treat? I would expect some progression in a better future after the original films.

 What happened to Leia, why is her character downgraded to a delusional old grandma that buys chocolates with raisins? No, I didn’t mean that obviously it was hyperbolic, but I hope you see what I’m getting at. In the original we saw her gather her wits and was a strategic wizard, I would only expect her to be a military nut in this film. Not like a damaged veteran military nut, but like a, “so this ex imperial stormtrooper is trying to help us. Could be a spy, probably is, we should interrogate him”, I mean he didn’t turn out to be a spy, but she should’ve at least taken caution.

Han, for some reason, reverted back into earlier stages where he drifts around space with his dog man thing friend. I mean I thought one of the biggest things about the characters in Star Wars was change, like Luke, from a teenage brat to a Jedi. Obi-Wan from a hermit to dead. Leia, a princess who can hold a gun to a princess who can hold a gun and probably shoot down ten stormtroopers without looking, like River in that one episode of Firefly. Even in the prequels, we saw Anakin, a young boy raised by a single mother in the desert planet Tatooine who loved nothing more than to make robots and race pods, to a young man who was constantly perving on a princess and loves to recite his poetry on why he hates sand. From that to a man who let his love beget hatred and his hatred beget anger (or some other order), and so shows his inner sith until he gets himself burnt because he did not, in fact, have the high ground. What I’m trying to say is, shouldn’t Han have been some kind of king who would lead his soldiers out to war or something like that.

What happened to Luke? I don’t understand. Why would he run away? I get that they’re making bold decisions in where they take the story, but couldn’t they have made decisions that actually make sense? If you thought the ultimate betrayal in Star Wars was Anakin to Obi-Wan, It’s not, it’s Disney to the characters.

Rogue One though. Well, that’s a different story. Almost unbelievable that they made this in the middle of this mess. It felt like it knew exactly what it wanted it to do and what story it wanted to tell, which is so much more than what I can say for the numbered movies (The Force Awakens, The Last Jedi, The Rise Of Skywalker). The movie is also so beautifully shot and it felt like there was an actual threat from the Empire.

 Haven’t seen Solo, haven’t seen the Mandalorian (cos Disney plus is not available in the UK yet). If there is any lore that I’m not aware of that contradicts anything I say, I’m sorry, you’ll have to forgive me, I am a bit of an idiot. But then again, you win some, you lose some, whatever that means.

(I understand I’m throwing words around such as perfect, this is simply my opinion about these movies, I’m well aware of flaws in films, but sometimes they just don’t bother me, even if they were fixed they wouldn’t change how I would feel about them. Sometimes it’s hyperbolic, I know, doesn’t make for a good review, but even If I like a film a lot, I’ll try my best to pick out everything wrong with a film, criticise to my best ability, even though I’m not that good at it)

The best one. If it isn’t yours, your opinion is shit.

I forgot to really say what I think of the movies.

The Force Awakens: It was fine. I liked it when it came out, I got more disappointed in it as time past. Probably enjoy it more if I rewatch it now.

The Last Jedi: Didn’t like it. I could see what it was trying to do, just didn’t work. The things that happened weren’t interesting at all. It felt like it was making every mistake they could just so they could be different and were also hoping that they had something special in the end. It was very hard to watch. Personally, it’s my worst Star Wars film. At least I laughed in The Phantom Menace and Attack of The Clones.

Rise Of Skywalker: I will have a review up soon.

I just need to say this, I don’t care if you make your protagonist a boy or a girl, just make them interesting. Couldn’t they have given Rey any lines that sounded interesting?

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